Trust Issues Truth

Trust Issues My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months today, and I'm so attached. I seriously want to spend the rest of my life with him. It seems like I am smothering him. He always comments about not hanging out with his friends, and that we spend to much time together. I honestly agree, but I don't want to spend time without him. I feel lost/depressed without him. If I give him space will he take advantage of that, and go out and do things I don't want him to be doing? I'm always wondering what he is doing. I have really bad trust issues, and I don't know what to do. That's awesome you took some time to open up and send us an e-mail this evening. It sounds like you care about your boyfriend a whole bunch, but you really do want to be careful about not smothering him too much. One of the most important aspects in a relationship is trust. Your boyfriend deserves to have time to spend with his friends without having to worry if you are going to feel let down, jealous, or upset. Honestly, it is healthy to spend some time apart in a relationship. Spending too much time together really can lead to feeling overwhelmed. You care about your boyfriend; and since you've been together 10 months he clearly has strong feelings for you as well. Trust is something that comes from within. Unless he has done something to betray your trust, then there really isn't anything he can do to change your mind and make you feel more secure in giving your trust to him. You say that you are afraid he will take the space you give him and do something to violate your trust, why? Has he done something in the past to make you feel this way? A whole bunch of teens struggle with putting their trust into someone else; it's a scary thing to do at first. You definitely don't want to be betrayed or have your trust thrown back into your face. But, at the same time, the only way to truly trust somebody is by taking a risk and being able to live with the outcome. You will probably be surprised at how less stressed out you are and how much more fulfilling the relationship is when the cloud of having to spend 24/7 with each other is no longer hanging over the relationship. It helps to set some ground rules for when he is hanging out with his friends. For example, when he is hanging out with his friends or doing something by himself, limit the amount of texts you send him. This can be difficult to do at first, but remember that giving each other space really is healthy for a relationship. Maybe it would help to plan things out ahead of time. For example, maybe on a Friday night he wants to hang out with his friends. By letting you know this ahead of time (like Wednesday or something) instead of Friday night right before the two of you were supposed to hang out, it will help you feel less left out. You and your feelings are important, but so are his. Keep hanging in there. We know that you care about your boyfriend and want to spend time with him, that is normal. But, so is his wanting some time to himself or with his friends. By respecting each other's boundaries your relationship will be much healthier, less stressful, and more fulfilling. Abe, Counselor http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/AskIt/Lists/Hotline%20Discusion%20Relationship/QuestionAnswer.aspx?RootFolder=%2FAskIt%2FLists%2FHotline%20Discusion%20Relationship%2FTrust%20Issues%203078&FolderCTID=0x01200200D21C7181DAF17F4C95B7D6D815D4CC6A